Everyday and every night for the past 13 years, it’s been you. The first time I saw you, I labeled myself to be your concussion. The first time we shared an umbrella under the pouring sky I was consumed by your cerulean eyes driving me into a turquoise dream.Since then I have envisioned our first kiss, and it became my most addictive hobby. Sometimes under the dark bridge on a cold night, sometimes on my bitter velvet couch, sometimes on your soft foam bed, maybe under a tree, or in an empty hall with my favourite melodies, on the swings, or on the mountain-top, under the showering flowers or behind the adorned curtains, or maybe under the same umbrella on a rainy night. But it never happened. Not until today, in a way far from my smitten imagination.
When I finally gathered the courage, unaware about the veiled future, innocent about the unraveled destiny, and smoldered over the feigning present, I could never see that you were the one gathering courage and not me.
Your lips weren’t soft as I dreamt them to be, there were no flowers, no curtains, no silence.Not any music, but only howls, cries and screams. Not pleasure but overwhelming tears. Your hands weren’t strong but convulsing and bleeding. Turning my dream from turquoise to ruby, searing my desires. Eyes shut reflecting the unbearable pain.
The moment I found you was disguisedly the moment I lost you. A moment ago you stood straight on the road in front of my eyes coming to escort me, unknown about the overpowering truck, and now you are bleeding in my lap.My hands holding your fatigue body and my heart felt ruptured when you uttered “kiss me,” fathoming your love for me.
I kissed you to death on the loathing grey ground and the crying sunset. My first kiss was half you, and half your soulless sordid corpse. The kiss that I would never want to remember yet I can never forget. The kiss that will haunt me perennially everyday and every night. I never wanted to die, but I have always wanted to loose myself to the eternity which took you away from me and pushed me into an inanimate life, no better than your mocking grave.